Author: Classified ad

CORRECTION – In a recipe for salsa published recently, on of the ingredients was misstated… The correct ingredient is “2 tsp. of cilantro” instead of “2 tsp. of cement.”

BAR & GRILL – Best Burger in Town – Where Quality & Freshness Counts! FREE TOMATO w/every BLT…

Chronically Overweight? 6 p.m. 522 N. Eighth St., Sheboygan… Bring your own chair. Free.

LOST African Elephant. Call 281-701-….

Caffe Allegro – In downtown Middletown –Discover why so many Italians would prefer to eat at home

Over 300 people in Napa Valley are assaulted each year. Volunteer to help.

FREE TO GOOD COUNTRY HOME – ¾ Rottweiler, ¼ Shepherd, 3 years old, female, spayed, very intelligent, loves to eat live rabbits and kittens, loves to play ball with kids. Call after 5:00 pm.. (614)…

2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.

CompleteNutrition – Look better. Feel Better. Perform better. 120 Krispy Krme Dr., Suite 1, Bloomington, IL (Behind Krispy Kreme)

CLASSIFIED: An unexpected vacancy for a knife-thrower's assistant. Rehearsals start immediately.

Dillards 60% off Christmas Sale! – From December 14–21 Dillards will be having the largest sale of the year on cloths, toys, fits, household items, furniture and jewelry, shoes, hats, mens wear and evening wear, just in time for Christmas! There will be a Special Appearance by Satan between the hours of 5pm until 9pm for your kids!… [sic]

HELP WANTED – Remedy Engineer

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

Garden Girl – I will pull, pluck, pick & plant for you! – Husband left me – Don’t want to starve – Left to my own means – Real good at gardening – Spring cleanups – Please hire me so I don’t starve to death. Free Estimates 443-362-….

Corduroy Pillows: They're making headlines!

The Brandywine Gourmet – Stop in to enter drawing to guess height & weight of our GIANT 3 ft., 20 lb. Chocolate Bunny!…

RENTALS – HOUSING TWO BEDROOM, Sublease, nice area, BARGAIN Rent. Drawback: Big hairy spiders drop off bedroom ceiling at night.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

A-Whole Chiropractic • Body Injury Experts • Auto/Work Accidents…

ATTORNEY WANTED that is not a liar or a thief. Phone…

QUESTION OF THE DAY – Question: What constitutes a millionaire? • Answer: A millionaire is someone who has $1 million, according to Jerry Beto, branch manager and senior vice president of investments at AG Edwards and Sons.