Author: Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Having a baby is like trying to push a grand piano through a transom.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

The little man on top of the wedding cake.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

Dorothy is the only woman in history who has had her menopause in public and made it pay.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

I never trust a man under sheets.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

You can’t make a souffle rise twice.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

He looks as though he’s been weaned on a pickle.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

Thank God it wasn’t his prostate.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

My specialty is detached malevolence.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

Hasn’t anyone ever warned Jacqueline Kennedy about Greeks bearing gifts?

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

One-third sap and two-thirds Eleanor.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

He wants to be the bride at every wedding, the corpse at every funeral, and the baby at every Christening.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

He has so much brain and so little beauty.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit













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