Subject: Reviews/Criticism

Reviews/Criticism:

Biting reviews and criticism of film, theater, television, music, books etc.


If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

This Mamet adaptation takes place in a very confined space, involves little or no action and is mostly concerned with how many minutes an actor can spew Mamet’s laborious dialogue without collapsing.

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

This movie is a toupee made up to look like honest baldness.

(1919 – 2001) American film critic

Adam Sandler’s latest moronic film instead continually opens a can of dumb ass on filmgoers.

writer, editor, correspondent & film reviewer

I wish you could have heard that pretty crash Beauty and the Beast made when, with one sweeping, liquid gesture, I tossed it out of my twelfth-story window.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

After Earth merits comparison with 2000’s Battlefield Earth, John Travolta’s godawful film tribute to the sci-fi novel by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. Yes, it’s that bad.

American film critic & televison interviewer

To describe this film as “pornographically violent” is an affront to pornography.

film critic

The film quickly abandons biting sarcasm in favor of gumming you to a sloppy, slow death.

film critic

I even watched Mulholland Drive in French… it didn’t make much more sense in French, but I have to say, it didn’t make any less sense either.

Irish radio broadcaster

If Threat Matrix made it onto the ABC schedule, imagine the shows that didn’t.


Darn the luck, viewers apparently have decided to demand competent acting, a direct threat to NBC’s Titans.

American film critic

I like Wagner’s music better than anybody’s; it is so loud that one can talk the whole time without people hearing what one says.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Purists, be warned: This scare-flick quickie [House of Wax] has as much relation to the 1953 Vincent Price classic with the same title as Paris Hilton does to acting.

American film critic & televison interviewer

I wouldn’t buy your book if you gave it to me.

Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson star. … If I were taken off the movie beat and assigned to cover the interior design of bowling alleys, I would have some idea of how they must have felt as they made this film.

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Turn with caution!

musician & film reviewer

It’s disposable fun. Check your brain at the door on the way in. Drop all memory of the movie on your way out.

film critic

… what a pity (Albert) Smith will tell only two-thirds of the truth.

(1803 – 1857) English writer

It probably helps if you’re high too when checking out Bad Teacher, as that might help you get through the film’s excruciating lack of plot, combined with a cast of characters that might as well have been lifted directly from every single f**king movie about a school ever made… ever.

(movie reviews at mrcranky.com)

If given the choice between going to class and seeing the high-school comedy General Education, go with school.

film reviewer

He writes dialogues by cutting monologues in two.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist