Subject: Science/Weather

It ain’t a fit night out for man or beast.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Science/Weather

The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology; until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs People Religion Science/Weather

For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press 3.

(1943 – 2004) author & psychologist
Science/Weather

Every scientific truth goes through three states: first, people say it conflicts with the Bible; next, they say it has been discovered before; lastly, they say they always believed it.

(1807 – 1873) paleontologist, glaciologist & geologist
Beliefs Facts Science/Weather

The climate of England has been the world’s most powerful colonizing impulse.

England Government Places Science/Weather

You know it is summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer.

(1892 – 1992) American film & television producer & director
Places Science/Weather

You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Health Old Science/Weather

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Intelligence Science/Weather Situations

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

Science/Weather

Why are the pictures square if the lens is round?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather

How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold his penis… sorry – I mean ladder.

(1965 – ) British-Iranian comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather

It was so cold today that I saw a dog chasing a cat, and the dog was walking.

professional baseball player
Animals Cold Science/Weather

It was so cold… we didn’t clean the house – we just defrosted it.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.

Science/Weather

I learned more about the economy from one South Dakota dust storm that I did in all my years of college.

(1911 – 1978) U.S. vice president & politician
Government Money Science/Weather

Any man that has never seen a baby emerge from another person’s body will walk around for months just going, ‘Oh my God; what else don’t I know about Planet Earth?’

(1955 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & impressionist
Children Family Science/Weather

The effort of catching a falling object will cause more destruction than if the object had been allowed to fall in the first place.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Science/Weather Things

USA Today has come out with a new survey; apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Facts People Science/Weather

Four of us slept in the one bed; when it got cold, mother threw on another brother.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Cold People Self

It was so cold… politicians stopped blowing hot air.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

And tonight norther areas can expect incest and rain – I’m sorry, incessant rain.

Misspokements Science/Weather