Subject: Definitions

Definitions:

Humorous definitions, often through the use of puns or wordplay

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Key Ring: A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

Definitions Things

Genealogy: An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Definitions Family

Diet: selection of foods for people who are thick and tired of it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Indifference: A woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as “playing hard to get.”

Definitions

Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.

Definitions

Pregnancy: The shape of things to come.

Definitions

Patron: A customer who doesn’t ask prices.

Definitions

Parole: A period at the end of a sentence.

Definitions

X Chromosome: a genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

Definitions Men People

Slogan: A good old American substitute for the facts.

Definitions

Fortune teller: Séance fiction.

Definitions

Acrobat: The person who turns a flop into a success.

Definitions

Perfume: What a woman hopes will make her the scenter of attention.

Definitions Wordplay

Window: A looking-out glass.

Definitions Things

Congress: A place where there are too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen – and not enough U.S. Congressmen.

Congress Definitions Government

Bigamist: A man who makes the same mistake twice.

Definitions Marriage

Linguist: A person who can be misunderstood in many languages.

Communication Definitions Language

Diet Planner: A fast talker.

Definitions

Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Definitions Education

Obituary: A final summation of our lives that, for most of us, occupies about three inches of space in what will shortly become cage liner for our neighbor’s parakeet.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Death Definitions

Bore: A person who deprives you with solitude without providing company.


Definitions People