Subject: Activities » Drugs

I used to do drugs; I still do, but I used to, too.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Drugs Past

When I was on acid, I’d see things like beams of light and I’d hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Autos Drugs Situations

I went on a job interview and the lady asked me if I’d pass a drug test; I said, “Yeah, if it’s written.”

American comedian
Drugs Work

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Drugs God People

Is it common for people to become a pothead at 40? … asking for myself.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Activities Age Drugs

I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs… like custom officers.

(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer
Activities Drugs

When you’re high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it’s not worth the fucking effort.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Drugs

If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Drugs

A British newspaper published a photo of Michael Phelps inhaling from a marijuana pipe; Phelps says he only took one hit, but he held it for three minutes.

(1952 – ) American fitness coach & educator
Activities Drugs

I didn't quit football because I failed a drug test, I failed a test because I was ready to quit football.

American football player
Activities Drugs Football Sports

Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Drugs

I was troubled by the presence of a shoe museum because it forced me to ask a very burning question: would my body be able to physically survive the amount of dope I would need to smoke in order to visit a shoe museum?

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Drugs Situations

Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Drugs TV/Movie Quotes

Cocaine isn’t habit forming; I should know, I’ve been taking it for years.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress
Activities Drugs

My friend died doing what he loved… heroin.

Canadian-American comedian, writer & columnist
Activities Death Drugs

I don’t do drugs anymore – than, say, the average touring funk band.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Drugs

You might be a redneck if… you see a sign that says "Say No To Crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Body Drugs People Rednecks

At school, Applied Math was all about working out grams and dollars… we called it Crystal Math.

comedian
Drugs Science/Weather

A libertarian is just a Republican who takes drugs.

(1951 – ) American anarchist writer
Drugs Government People Politics

I'm not addicted to cocaine… I just like the way it smells.

(1940 – 2005) comedian & movie actor
Activities Drugs

So drug dealers don’t find it funny when you ask for a receipt?

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Activities Drugs Situations