Subject: Activities (Page 21)

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating… the other 20 percent lied.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Activities Golf Sports

Insomnia: The inability to sleep even when it’s time to get up.

Activities Definitions Sleep

You might be a redneck if… you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Activities People Rednecks Television

In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it’s a sport.

(1932 – 2017) comedian, social activist, critic & writer
Activities Elections/Voting Government Places Sports

The driver behind you wants to go five miles per hour faster.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things

It always takes longer to get there than to get back.

Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

Crystal meth's a good drug if you need to walk to St. Louis one weekend.

(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, radio personality & author
Activities Drugs

I went to buy some condoms today, and I said to the pharmacist, 'Excuse me, I need some condoms;' and he said, 'Just a minute,' and I said, 'Oh, that's my brand.'

American comedian & actor
Sex Shopping Situations

The best accessory a girl can have is her best friend.

(1981 – ) heiress, socialite, media personality & model
Appearance Friends Travel

I'm busier than a stump full of ants.

Activities Situations

You give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, but you teach a man to fish and you’ve saved yourself a fish haven’t you?”

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Activities

To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Activities Age Exercise Young

Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Definitions Driving

No matter which direction you start it’s always against the wind coming back.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Children Housework People

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.

(1934 – 1997) journalist
Activities America Autos Places Travel

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Activities

My friend died doing what he loved… heroin.

Canadian-American comedian, writer & columnist
Activities Death Drugs

Childish Games: Those at which your wife beats you.

Activities Definitions Games

I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills… my doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Health Situations Sleep

The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she’s shopping.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities Shopping