Subject: Activities (Page 21)

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Activities People Travel

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Activities

Sometimes I get really lonely… especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities

Fishing License: Permit issued upon payment of a modest fee that allows fishermen to lose lures in a specified area.

Activities Definitions

I hate when people drive like me.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Autos Driving Situations Things

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

Activities Autos Beliefs Problems Proverbs Travel

I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Activities Animals Food/Drink

1. Nothing is ever so bad it can't be made worse by firing the coach. 2. A free agent is anything but. 3. Whatever can go to New York will..

Activities Murphy’s Laws New York City Places Sports

No matter what I do, I cannot lose this 18 pounds… I mean I have tried everything short of diet and exercise.

American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Exercise Fat

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish… my dreams were broadcast all over the world.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Situations Sleep World

Insomnia: contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.

Activities Definitions Sleep

I think housework is far more tiring and frightening than hunting is… and yet after hunting we had eggs for tea and were made to rest for hours, but after housework people expect one to go on just as if nothing special had happened.

(1904 – 1973) English novelist & biographer
Housework Work

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Activities Sleep

There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Age Children Family Situations Sleep

Lying in bed would be an altogether perfect and supreme experience if only one had a colored pencil long enough to draw on the ceiling.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Activities

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Games

Thirty ways to shape up for summer — number one: eat less; number two: exercise more; number three… What was I talking about? … I’m so hungry right now.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Appearance Body Exercise

Smoking is one of leading causes of statistics.

(1911 – 1993) columnist & novelist
Activities Science/Weather

I was once arrested for walking in someone else’s sleep.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations Sleep

Yoga is basically spending an entire hour trying to not fart.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
Activities Time

Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Activities Family Relationships