Subject: Classifieds (Page 27)

Lustful? Sinful? Sexual? These are all words not used in conjunction with my feeble, limp form for at least 32 years. You are a woman to 40 with high class looks and low class mind. I am an ever growing vessel of limp wristed sexual energy just waiting to be shook. You may call me sir. box no. 32/02

And now, the Superstore – unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

FREE TO A GOOD HOME: Shemale Jack Russell Terrier, 14 mos., has shots, needs fenced yard. 619-445-….

Rattle snake 4 months old, good play thing for kids 10 yrs to 80 yrs. 6.5 H.P. go-cart $795. Will hold till X0-mas. Also, chain saw. Call…

UPTIGHT GRAND PIANO HARRINGTON. $150/…

Free internet access … $99.

WANTED: Somebody to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. P.O. Box ###, Oakview, CA 93022. You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.

FOR RENT: 6 room hated apartment.

Wanted: Lifeguard. Must be able to swim.

2009 Happy New Years Special – Be Fit! Be Strong! – Taekwondo classes… Cardio Dick Boxing classes…

PART-TIME HELP WANTED. Must have creative skills, drivers license and car with outgoing personality

Gifts for Men – Silk Boxers – Silk Robes – Silk Pajamas – Silk G-Strings – Silk Boxer Briefs – and be sure to see our Nutcracker Shorts

RENTALS – HOUSING TWO BEDROOM, Sublease, nice area, BARGAIN Rent. Drawback: Big hairy spiders drop off bedroom ceiling at night.

HAVE VIAGRA. Need woman. Any women between 18 & 80. PO Box ###. Boise, ID 83701.

Philanthropy is my middle name. It's just a name though so don't be expecting any free rides. You can call me Mr Wallace. My first name is none of your business. Applications to box no. 9741.

MATH TUDAR NEEDED for Intermediate Algebra, needed ASAP! Call…

My other car is a bike. Eco-friendly bio-diverse M (29). Smells a bit like soil and eats too much soup, but otherwise friendly (you're not seriously going to put that burger in your mouth, are you?).

Smith & Wesson – For the Bride To Be! – Model 642 .38 Special $419.97, Save $50…

Friday, March 27 – Lenten Fish Dinner – St. Ann Parrish – Tickets can be purchased at the door or by calling Christ at 522 -….