Subject: Entertainment » Television

You might be a redneck if… an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Age Old People Television

Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Art Entertainment Life Television

Last night, me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back… luckily, I was the one facing the telly.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Entertainment Situations Television

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
America Places Television

Radio is the theater of the mind; television is the theater of the mindless.

(1921 – 2000) comedian, television host, musician, actor & writer
Entertainment Intelligence Television

The first Presidential debate was down in Florida and residents spent all day putting plywood on their televisions.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
President Television

I know what the public want because I am one of them.

(1906 – 1998) Russian-born English film producer & media mogul
Entertainment Film People Television

Begathon: A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so you won't have to watch commercials.

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician
Entertainment Television

You ever look for the remote control and can’t find it, so you just decide, ‘Ah, it looks like I’m not watching TV.”

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Entertainment Television

I don't watch television, I think it destroys the art of talking about oneself.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Conversation Entertainment Television

The Complete Law and Order boxed set is now available for only $300; the perfect gift for someone unaware of the existence of USA Network.

American comedian
Entertainment Television

Argentina invaded the Falklands because they had ESPN and the Argentines wanted to get the late scores.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Entertainment Sports Television

My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Entertainment Television

You don't even know what they're selling until the very end: three rabbits are on a log, and one of them goes home and hangs himself – 'Buy a bike!'

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Entertainment Television

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Entertainment Marriage Sex Television

Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Entertainment Television

People think I hate sex; I don’t; I just don’t like things that stop you seeing the television properly.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter
Entertainment Sex Television

A body at rest tends to watch television.

Entertainment Murphy’s Laws Television

In honor of the late George Carlin, here are seven more words you can't say on TV: "And the Emmy goes to Bob Saget."

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Communication Entertainment Language Television

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Entertainment People Rednecks Television

You might be a redneck if… the Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Entertainment People Rednecks Shopping Television