Subject: Family » Parents

Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.

(1900 – 1944) French aristocrat, writer, poet & pioneering aviator
Children Family Intelligence Parents

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Age Children Family Parents

If in America you are what you drive, then in Parentland, you are what you push.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Children Family Parents

I think it’s a good idea; it keeps the parents off the streets.

(1927 – ) professional baseball player & coach
Baseball Family Parents Sports

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

(1857 – 1938) American lawyer
Children Family Life Parents

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me… no one showed up.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Divorce Family Marriage Parents

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.

(1936 – ) television talk show host
Children Family Parents

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot… but I always found them.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Parents Places

When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.

American comedian
Family Parents Self Situations

We kept Mommy on a pedestal… it was the only way we could keep Daddy off her. – of life in a family with 12 children

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Family Parents

Adolescence is that period in a kid’s life when parents become more difficult.

(1941 – ) American actor
Age Children Family Parents

Parents: The one thing children wear out faster than shoes.

Definitions Family Parents

You might be a redneck if… your parents met at a family reunion.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family Parents People Rednecks

Parents – especially step-parents – are sometimes a bit of a disappointment to their children; they don’t fulfill the promise of their early years.

(1905 – 2000) English writer
Children Family Parents

Parents: People who use the rhythm method of birth control.

Family Parents

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both seems like carelessness.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Family Parents Relationships

As you get older you realize your parents don't look so dumb – and that you're not as smart as you thought you were.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Family Parents

When I was younger, I really wanted a skateboard but my parents couldn't afford one; so one morning, I woke up early and went to the garage, I got some wood and some nails… and beat my parents to death.

My foster parents bought me 5 skateboards.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Family Parents Things

Little League baseball is a good thing ’cause it keeps the parents off the streets, and it keeps the kids out of the house!

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Children Parents Sports Yogi-isms

I get on very well with my parents, give or take my mother.

English comedian & actor
Family Mothers Parents

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will sometimes produce bizarre behavior… and I’m not talking about the kids.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Family Old Parents