Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 13)

Can't get blood from a turnip.

Miscellaneous

I'm gonna peck a knot on your head!

Miscellaneous

He’s so mean a rattlesnake bit him five times and died.

Miscellaneous

Fix your plate.

Miscellaneous

Nobody here but us chickens.

Miscellaneous

Cathead biscuit

Miscellaneous

I'm happier than a woodpecker in a lumber yard.

Miscellaneous

Do you want your dinner now or when you get it.

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If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.

Miscellaneous

Shaking like a dog shitting peach seeds.

Miscellaneous

He wouldn’t know his name if it won’t written in his shorts.

Miscellaneous

He’d complain if you hung him with a new rope.

Miscellaneous

Lower than a snake’s belly

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As long as Pat stayed in the army

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I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.

Miscellaneous Occupations

I’m going to paint your back porch red if you keep talkin like that!

Miscellaneous

He's nuttier than a squirrel shit.

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Going to hell in a handbasket

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Church was a reminder there was something worse than school.

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous

What would annoy me if a space visitor ever came to our planet would be if he kept talking about things in “his world.” Your world? We don’t give a flying hoot about your world.

Miscellaneous

Consider the daffodil; and while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here, looking through your stuff.

Miscellaneous