Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 13)

Can't get blood from a turnip.

I'm gonna peck a knot on your head!

He’s so mean a rattlesnake bit him five times and died.

Fix your plate.

Nobody here but us chickens.

Cathead biscuit

I'm happier than a woodpecker in a lumber yard.

Do you want your dinner now or when you get it.

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.

Shaking like a dog shitting peach seeds.

He wouldn’t know his name if it won’t written in his shorts.

He’d complain if you hung him with a new rope.

Lower than a snake’s belly

As long as Pat stayed in the army

I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.

I’m going to paint your back porch red if you keep talkin like that!

He's nuttier than a squirrel shit.

Going to hell in a handbasket

Church was a reminder there was something worse than school.

(1946 – ) American comedian

What would annoy me if a space visitor ever came to our planet would be if he kept talking about things in “his world.” Your world? We don’t give a flying hoot about your world.

Consider the daffodil; and while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here, looking through your stuff.