Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 13)

Why are they called apartments when they’re all stuck together?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

He’s as tough as a boot.

Miscellaneous

I expect them to come out… oh dear, I’d better not say fighting, had I?

Welsh football player, manager & coach
Miscellaneous

Hangin’ in there like a hair in a biscuit.

Miscellaneous

Talk the legs off a dead mule – or – talk the hind leg off a donkey

Miscellaneous

In my next life, I hope I come back as a parrot, because I already know quite a few words.

Miscellaneous

Whenever you read a good book, it’s like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don’t like to read good books.

Miscellaneous

Make Me Late For Work Today

Miscellaneous

It don’t take long to examine a hot horseshoe.

Miscellaneous

If I come back as an animal in my next lifetime, I hope it’s some type of parasite, because this is the part where I take it EASY!

Miscellaneous

Well look what the cat dragged in.

Miscellaneous

You know one thing that will really make a woman mad?… just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men.)

Miscellaneous

A near man with a dollar.

Miscellaneous

Eddie: Mother, are you still on the computer?

Gran: Yes, dear. Sometimes you get into a porn loop and just can’t get out.

(1925 – ) English actress
Miscellaneous

Darn it, I tumped over my tea.

Miscellaneous

Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!

Miscellaneous

There are no requests for jugglers – only ‘Don’t juggle!’

Miscellaneous

That ain't worth the powder to blow it to hell.

Miscellaneous

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

Miscellaneous

Less chance than a snowball in Hell.

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Some people think that drinking and driving is wrong… and I call these people the cops; sometimes you don’t have a choice, though… those kids gotta get to school.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Miscellaneous