Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 16)

I think the movie actually made my heart beat slower.

American movie critic
Miscellaneous

Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly.

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Our biggest concern this season will be diaper rash.

Vanderbilt football coach
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Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic’?

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
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He's country as a bowl of grits.

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He's got both feet in the trough.

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I wish everybody would have to have an electric thing implanted in our heads that gave us a shock whenever we did something to disobey the president; then somehow I get myself elected president.

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What are all these “other dimensions” I keep hearing about? … to me, there’s only one dimension worth anything, and that’s the good ole U.S. of A.

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Hay is just the first stage of bullshit.

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I’ve been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
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The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother… they’ll settle for a puppy every time.

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Broken Groin, South Carolina

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It’s hotter than a goat’s ass in a pepper patch.

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Thank God it wasn’t his prostate.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
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Let me hug your neck.

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He traveled a minute in thirty seconds.

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Is a pig's ass pork?

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Laugh, clown, laugh; this is what I tell myself whenever I dress up like Bozo.

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Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes; after that, who cares? … he’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
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Just because there is a rat in the barn doesn’t mean you need to burn it down.

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To think hard of

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