Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 16)

He is purse proud.

Miscellaneous

She could ruin a two-car funeral.

Miscellaneous

Southwest Airlines is like my period: it hurts my back and it’s always late.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
Miscellaneous

She looked like death eating a cracker.

Miscellaneous

One of the bad things about panning for gold is maybe sometimes you’ll get a crawdaddy in your pan, and you start to wonder if you should give up on the gold and just go for crawdaddies; I can’t make that decision for you.

Miscellaneous

Slow as an iron toad

Miscellaneous

Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

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About half.

Angelo Giuseppe Roncalli (1881 – 1963) Italian pope
Miscellaneous

Crespin’s Law of Observation

Miscellaneous

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don’t think it would be a good idea to say, “I swallowed it. So sue me.”

Miscellaneous

A whistling woman and a crowing hen never comes to a very good end.

Miscellaneous

Jesus Loves Me But He Can’t Stand You

Miscellaneous

Don’t start choppin’ till you’ve treed the coon.

Miscellaneous

The eleventh commandment; “Thou shalt not be found out,” is the only one that is virtually impossible to keep these days.

Miscellaneous

Corduroy Pants

Miscellaneous

I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.

Miscellaneous Occupations

California Mayor Curbs Self Over Dog Poop Incident

Miscellaneous

I Can’t Get Over You, So Why Don’t You Get Under Me?

Miscellaneous Song Titles

I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away.

Miscellaneous

I remember the last thing my nan said to me before she died; ‘What are you doing here with that hammer?’

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
Miscellaneous

So dry he had the rattles

Miscellaneous