Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 30)

Hold your horses

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Practical Demonkeeping


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Beauty’s In The Eye Of The Beer Holder

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People were always talking about how mean this guy was who lived on our block. But I decided to go see for myself. I went to his door, but he said he wasn’t the mean guy, the mean guy lived in that house over there. “No, you idiot,” I said, “that’s my house.”

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Monster Mash

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Born short and slapped down flat

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… took a long dip in the ugly pond

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She’s totin’ the high leg.

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The overhead projector has done more to destroy learning than any other thing I can think of.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
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It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool table.

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If the captain invited me to his party, after he had whipped me earlier in the day up on deck, I guess I’d go, but I’d try to find some excuse to leave early.

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That’s the worst taste I’ve had in my mouth with the lights on!

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I could eat the horse and chase the jockey.

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Ladies, I wasn't circumcised, I was circumnavigated.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
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Boy, I will walk a mud hole in you and stomp it dry.

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He’s not wrapped too tight.

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Skin your own skunk

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I’m on it like cheese on grits!

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The bell cow

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I went to the barber and got my ears lowered.

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The land that had nourished him and had borne him fruit now turned against him and called him a fruit. Man, I hate land like that.

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