Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 30)

I wish everybody would have to have an electric thing implanted in our heads that gave us a shock whenever we did something to disobey the president; then somehow I get myself elected president.

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Treated him like a red-headed stepchild.

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Crooked as a cork screw.

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It’s raining like pouring piss out of a boot.

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They say the mountain holds many secrets, but the biggest is this: “I am a fake mountain.”

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Chugged full.

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If you’re a cowboy and you’re dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.

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Is it any 'count?

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Not blessed with beauty…

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She looked like death eating a cracker.

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He is one ass kicking away from being a pretty nice fellow.

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I read that when the archaeologists dug down into the ancient cemetery, they found fragments of human bones! What kind of barbarians were these people, anyway?

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In my next life, I hope I come back as a parrot, because I already know quite a few words.

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This mall Santa seems insulted that I put down that protective paper before sitting on his lap.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
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No News, Or What Killed The Dog

Miscellaneous Song Titles

So cross-eyed he could look at his own head.

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It's your little red wagon, you can push it or pull it.

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They say no one knows if we all see red the same way… except traffic cops.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
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Don't worry 'bout the mule son, just load the wagon.

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We always go to bed with the chickens.

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Confucius say… he who can take the rough with the smooth knows how to maintain an even keel.

Miscellaneous