Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 31)

He's gotta whole head full of simple.

Miscellaneous

If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say “How do you figger that!” real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.

Miscellaneous

He’s so dumb he couldn’t piss his name in the snow.

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He’s so ugly, he’s gotta sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

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Where do you fall?

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Stomping grounds

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He don’t know daylight from dark.

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Don't call him a cowboy, till you've seen him ride.

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You can hear her three fields off.

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Whenever I need to ‘get away,’ I just get away in my mind; I go to my imaginary spot, where the beach is perfect and the water is perfect and the weather is perfect; the only bad thing there are the flies… they’re terrible!

Miscellaneous

He's steal the bridle off a nightmare.

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I’ve always been bad at spelling – not sure whether it’s nature or nurture.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Miscellaneous

Get the short end of the stick

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Her breath/body odor would knock a buzzard off a shit wagon.

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Peter Marshall: Paul, is there such a thing as a female rooster?

Paul Lynde: Yeah, they're the ones who just go "a doodle doo!"

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Don't get your tit in a ringer!

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They ate supper before they said grace.

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Strong as a new well rope

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like trying to herd cats

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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? And after you’re real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lay down and go to sleep.

Miscellaneous

Is a pig's ass pork?

Miscellaneous