Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Miscellaneous
(Page 31)
The fool’s so lost he don’t know if he’s afoot or on horseback.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Confusion
Other expressions
With every new sunrise, there is a new chance. But with every sunset, you blew it.
Miscellaneous
He could sell firewood in hell.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Convincing
Other expressions
Persuasive
Confucius say… he who can take the rough with the smooth knows how to maintain an even keel.
Confucius
Miscellaneous
Piss on the fire and call in the dogs.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Let's go
Let’s call it a night and get out of here
Other expressions
The dinner bell is always in tune.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Dinner
Other expressions
The ox is in the ditch.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
There is an emergency
I’ll Marry You Tomorrow (But Let’s Honeymoon Tonite)
Joe Stampley
Miscellaneous
Beanville, Vermont
Miscellaneous
If I lived back in the olden days, and the doctor put leeches on me, I’d tell him to put them on my face, in the shape of a beard, so I could see how I’d look.
Miscellaneous
Seen better legs on a table.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Legs
Other expressions
I hope that when I die, people say about me, ‘Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.’
Miscellaneous
He don’t have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of.
Anonymous
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Whenever I need to ‘get away,’ I just get away in my mind; I go to my imaginary spot, where the beach is perfect and the water is perfect and the weather is perfect; the only bad thing there are the flies… they’re terrible!
Miscellaneous
She is so ugly I would hire her to haunt a house.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
I wish somebody would invent a fruit that had no seeds, tasted delicious, and would scream when you ate it.
Miscellaneous
Mites don’t fly this time of the year.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
When someone says they “might”
I bet when they weren’t fighting, Vikings with horn helmets had to stick potatoes on the ends of the horns, so as to avoid eye-pokings to fellow Vikings and lady Vikings.
Miscellaneous
More than plenty
Country expression
Miscellaneous
A bountiful meal
More than enough to eat
Other expressions
I read that when the archaeologists dug down into the ancient cemetery, they found fragments of human bones! What kind of barbarians were these people, anyway?
Miscellaneous
Her butt is two axe handles wide.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Page 31 of 75
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