Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 31)

You could grow potatoes in those dirty ears.

Miscellaneous

You’ve got the saw by the wrong tree.

Miscellaneous

I'm gonna peck a knot on your head!

Miscellaneous

You look like death eating a cracker.

Miscellaneous

I was lying in bed last night and I couldn’t sleep, and I came up with an idea. So I went right home and wrote it down.

1922) American actress, comedian & television personality
Miscellaneous

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don’t want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, “What was THAT?!”

Miscellaneous

Gooder than grits

Miscellaneous

I'm so hungry I could eat my elbows.

Miscellaneous

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

Miscellaneous

When I was a child, there were times when we had to entertain ourselves; and usually the best way to do that was to turn on the TV.

Miscellaneous

My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage; I take that as a compliment.

Miscellaneous

As scarce as hens teeth.

Miscellaneous

He was as mad as a mule chewin' on bumblebees.

Miscellaneous

I’ve been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Miscellaneous

There is nothing more awkward than the moment you realize you’re getting a double-cheek kiss.

Miscellaneous

How do you write ‘zero’ in Roman Numerals?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Miscellaneous

Madder than a hornet!

Miscellaneous

Instead of having “answers” on a math test, they should just call them “impressions,” and if you got a different “impression,” so what, can’t we all be brothers?

Miscellaneous

He gets Tuesday’s paper on Friday.

Miscellaneous

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients… but we can’t scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

Miscellaneous

Refried Dreams

Miscellaneous