Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 44)

I already know I’m going to hell, I’m just paving the road.

Miscellaneous

One thing a computer can do that most humans can’t is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse.

Miscellaneous

The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother… they’ll settle for a puppy every time.

Miscellaneous

More than plenty

Miscellaneous

It makes me mad when I go to all the trouble of having Marta cook up about a hundred drumsticks, then the guy at Marine Land says, "You can't throw that chicken to the dolphins. They eat fish."
Sure they eat fish if that's all you give them! Man, wise up.

Miscellaneous

As full of wind as a corn-eating horse

Miscellaneous

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

(1946 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous

Splendid couple—slept with both of them.

(1898 – 1971) English classical scholar & academic
Miscellaneous

If you want your dreams to come true, don’t sleep.

Miscellaneous

Like a buzzard in a tree waiting for a mule to die

Miscellaneous

If you are in trouble and told to go out and cut your own switch…don’t come back with a little one…that ain’t going to work for ya.

Miscellaneous

She could ruin a two-car funeral.

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Colder than a stepmother’s kiss

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Can’t hear thunder

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I guess we were all guilty, in a way; we all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, “I helped skin Bob.”

Miscellaneous

You look the south end of a north bound cow.

Miscellaneous

The only contact I ever made with the dead was when I spoke to a journalist from The Sun.

(Steven Patrick Morrissey) (1959 – ) British singer & lyricist
Communication Miscellaneous

You didn’t pick up a crooked stick.

Miscellaneous

I wanted wine, women and song… I got a drunk woman singing.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Miscellaneous

Give down the country.

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I don’t advocate that children start smoking… but for those kids who already do smoke, boy, it’s good, isn’t it?

Miscellaneous