Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 55)

If you’re ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don’t know how to speak the natives’ language, just say “Poppy-oomy.” I bet it means something.

Miscellaneous

Like a dose of salts through a widow woman.

Miscellaneous

It’s two degrees hotter than the hinges of Hell.

Miscellaneous

I think there is more wisdom in a single drop of rain than there is in all the books in all the libraries of the world… wait, not rain– super-concentrated brain juice.

Miscellaneous

That ain't worth the powder to blow it to hell.

Miscellaneous

Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy’s arm behind his back… NOW who’s asking the questions?

Miscellaneous

She's got mud all over her from bum hole to breakfast time.

Miscellaneous

He looks like something the cat drug in and the dog wouldn't eat.

Miscellaneous

I’ve always been bad at spelling – not sure whether it’s nature or nurture.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Miscellaneous

Intercourse,  Pennsylvania

Miscellaneous

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber’s calf, he would’ve never started Christianity.

(1974 – ) American comedian
Miscellaneous

Don’t let your mouth write a check that your ass can’t cash.

Miscellaneous

He looks like he stepped out of a bandbox.

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He can get glad the same way he got mad, or else he's gon' die unhappy.

Miscellaneous

Energizer Bunny arrested… charged with battery.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Miscellaneous

That's like putting a side saddle on a boar hog!

Miscellaneous

It’s hotter than the hinges of Hell.

Miscellaneous

In some places it’s known as a tornado – In others, a cyclone… nd in still others, the Idiot’s Merry-go round; but around here they’ll always be known as screw-boys.

Miscellaneous

I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me to go running through their yards, yelling and spinning around.

Miscellaneous

He’s so slippery he’d hold his own in a pond full of eels.

Miscellaneous

I’m goin’ to be on you quicker than a duck on a June bug.

Miscellaneous