Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 58)

People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world. What they don't understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long, blond hair.

Miscellaneous

He couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat.

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I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don’t want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, “What was THAT?!”

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Who died and left the gate open?

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She could talk the leg off a horse.

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Quit bein’ ugly.

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One thing a computer can do that most humans can’t is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse.

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She don’t have the sense God gave a gopher.

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It’s like swimming through peanut butter.

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I was much further out than you thought, and not waving but drowning.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
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I wouldn't give you air if you were in a jug.

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It'd be quicker to train kudzu.

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I do not see why I should break my neck because a dog chooses to run after a nasty smell.

(1848 – 1930) British Conservative politician & statesman
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"shootin" horseshoes

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It’s too bad cowboys didn’t eat much pizza back in the old west, because I think a good painting would be a cowboy giving his last slice to his horse.

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The best way to behave is to misbehave.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
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In this adventure Harry will do battle with giant lizards, face the attack of the Death Eaters, and in perhaps the most difficult task of all for a 14-year-old, ask a girl to be his date at the Yule Ball.

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To get clear water, go to the head of the branch.

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Don’t start choppin’ till you’ve treed the coon.

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Crazy as a dog in a hub cap factory.

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Busier than a cross eyed cranberry picker.

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