Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 67)

He don’t have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of.

Miscellaneous

I’m so confused I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt.

Miscellaneous

She'll be late to her own funeral.

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He was wound up tighter ‘en a bango string.

Miscellaneous

Does a snake have hips?

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If the Lord’s willing and the creeks don’t rise.

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He's nuttier than a squirrel shit.

Miscellaneous

Peter Marshall: Helen Gurley Brown recently said of Henry Kissinger, "His most outstanding endearing quality is his ability to make someone feel…" Feel what?

Jan Murray: His thighs.

(1916 - 2006) American stand-up comedian, actor & game show host
Miscellaneous

He looks like he got beat with a ugly stick.

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Breast baby

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Forty eleven

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Spent the last 3 days, alone, trying to learn escapology… I need to get out more.

(1980 – ) English magician & comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

Louder than two skeletons fighting on a tin roof.

Miscellaneous

He/she looked like death eating a cracker.

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If you’re robbing a bank and you’re pants fall down, I think it’s okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

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Like a turkey in young corn

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Jesus Loves Me But He Can’t Stand You

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It’s raining cats and dogs.

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Chew the bark off

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I don’t chew my cabbage twice!

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Peep of day

Miscellaneous