Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 67)

Her butt is two axe handles wide.

Miscellaneous

Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for “better treatment”? … I’d ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you’d probably be able to get a lot of free games.

Miscellaneous

This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar;’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay

If he had a brain and was a bird, he’d fly backwards.

Miscellaneous

When you die, if you go somewhere where they ask you a bunch of questions about your life and what you learned and all, I think a good way to get out of it is just to say, “No speaka English.”

Miscellaneous

Not being born to parents who were accountants was probably my biggest mistake.

British boxing champion
Boxing Miscellaneous Sports

So ugly he could snag lightning

Miscellaneous

If that boy had a good idea it would die of loneliness.

Miscellaneous

Eddie: Mother, are you still on the computer?

Gran: Yes, dear. Sometimes you get into a porn loop and just can’t get out.

(1925 – ) English actress
Miscellaneous

He acts like he’s ten feet tall and bullet-proof.

Miscellaneous

He’s so dumb he couldn’t piss his name in the snow.

Miscellaneous

Fall in for vittles.

Miscellaneous

Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter,

Sermons and soda-water the day after.

(1788 – 1824) English poet
Miscellaneous

Though a scant 100 minutes long, After Earth feels longer and slower than your average PBS pledge drive.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Miscellaneous

If I had a mineshaft, I don’t think I would just abandon it; there’s got to be a better way.

Miscellaneous

A trace of the uppity

Miscellaneous

You could grow potatoes in those dirty ears.

Miscellaneous

Tight as Dick’s hatband

Miscellaneous

It makes me mad when I go to all the trouble of having Marta cook up about a hundred drumsticks, then the guy at Marine Land says, "You can't throw that chicken to the dolphins. They eat fish."
Sure they eat fish if that's all you give them! Man, wise up.

Miscellaneous

Happy as a pig in Palestine.

Miscellaneous

Creaking doors hang the longest.

Miscellaneous