Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 70)

Like a polecat at a camp meeting

Miscellaneous

It daddied itself

Miscellaneous

Oh shine!

Miscellaneous

He’s playing possum.

Miscellaneous

One of the bad things about panning for gold is maybe sometimes you’ll get a crawdaddy in your pan, and you start to wonder if you should give up on the gold and just go for crawdaddies; I can’t make that decision for you.

Miscellaneous

She’s so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

Miscellaneous

Like what God gave a billy goat

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Witch Doctor

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A face like a welder’s bench

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Well, shut my mouth.

Miscellaneous

If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say “How do you figger that!” real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.

Miscellaneous

I think the movie actually made my heart beat slower.

American movie critic
Miscellaneous

The worst misfortune that can happen to an ordinary man is to have an extraordinary father.

Miscellaneous

If you can’t give me your word of honor, will you give me your promise?

(1879 – 1974) film producer
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If she gets to heaven she'll ask to see the upstairs.

Miscellaneous

I’ve always been bad at spelling – not sure whether it’s nature or nurture.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
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Meaner than a snake

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I had a survey done on my house; eight out of 10 people said they really rather liked it.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Miscellaneous

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn’t open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

Miscellaneous

He wants the earth and the moon with two strands of bob wire around it – and it white washed.

Miscellaneous

Dumber than a road lizard

Miscellaneous