Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 71)

Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk: A Modest Bestiary

(1956 – ) American humorist, comedian & author
Miscellaneous

Peter Marshall: Paul, is there such a thing as a female rooster?

Paul Lynde: Yeah, they're the ones who just go "a doodle doo!"

Miscellaneous

You need to count your fingers after shaking hands with him.

Miscellaneous

You’re not worth the gunpowder it’ll take to blow you away.

Miscellaneous

Beauty’s In The Eye Of The Beer Holder

Miscellaneous

Good intentions are invariably ungrammatical.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Miscellaneous

Whenever you read a good book, it’s like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don’t like to read good books.

Miscellaneous

Not being born to parents who were accountants was probably my biggest mistake.

British boxing champion
Boxing Miscellaneous Sports

Laugh, clown, laugh; this is what I tell myself whenever I dress up like Bozo.

Miscellaneous

Makes no never mind.

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Sure as a cat has a climbing gear

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They say the mountain holds many secrets, but the biggest is this: “I am a fake mountain.”

Miscellaneous

Who do you favor?

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Living With Crazy Buttocks

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(I Keep) Throwing Good Love After Bad

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He’s like a bad penny.

Miscellaneous

Here’s a good joke to do during an earthquake: Straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opens wider, go “Whoa! Whoa!” and flail your arms around, like you’re going to fall in.

Miscellaneous

If promises were persimmons, possums could eat good at her place.

Miscellaneous

… since Christ left Cleveland!

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I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.

Miscellaneous

Girdler,  Kentucky

Miscellaneous