Subject: People » Girlfriends (Page 2)

I’ve spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Conflict Girlfriends Killing People

I don't have a girlfriend but I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Anger Emotions Girlfriends

Like most comics, I just broke up with my girlfriend… the reason we broke up is because I caught her lying – under another man.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Girlfriends Language Relationships Sex

I just got dumped recently, but I'm alright with it ‘cause we weren’t a good match… you know – I’m a Gemini… she was a whore.

American comedian & musician
Girlfriends Relationships

I don’t have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming “No, that’s not what I said!”

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Girlfriends People Relationships

I didn’t know whether to break up with my girlfriend or take a break, so I planted weed in her purse and called the cops. Now I have 30 days to figure things out.

American comedian
Girlfriends Relationships

My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron… and a lot like Dog the Bounty Hunter.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Appearance Girlfriends People

My girl works at Hooters… in the kitchen.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Girlfriends People Work

For three years everything was going great, and then she just upped and left me to find a guy who wouldn’t hit her.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian, radio personality, author & actor
Girlfriends People Relationships

My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person – so I can get a better girlfriend.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Girlfriends People

Here's to Johnny quite a guy. Very sad he had to die. All was well could not be better, Till he wrote my girl a letter.

Conflict Epitaphs Girlfriends Killing

I have a girlfriend… I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for …….. sex!

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Girlfriends Relationships Sex

My girlfriend always laughs during sex… no matter what she’s reading.

(1955 –2011) business magnate, co-founder & CEO of Apple
Emotions Girlfriends Laughter Relationships Sex

There were many reasons we broke up; there was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

American actor & comedian
Beliefs Girlfriends Relationships Religion

My neighbor complains every time my girlfriend and I have sex; we’re not even that loud, but he used to date my girlfriend.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Girlfriends People Situations