Football | Just-One-Liners.com

It’s weird… people say they’re not like apes, but how do you explain football then?

Mitch Hedberg

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Animals Football Sports Apes

They were absolutely horrible and that’s the best thing I can say. Besides that they were bad.

John McKay

(1923 – 2001) American football coach

Football Sports On his team’s poor play

You need two yards, I'll get you three. You need 10 yards, I'll get you three.

Leroy Hoard

American football player

Football Sports Describing his running style

Could he run? Are you kidding? He had more moves than Mayflower Van Lines.

Charlie Teague

Tennessee football player

Football Sports Describing a running back

They may have regained all 40 yards… in fact, they may have.

An unknown sportscaster

Football Misspokements Sports

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Subject: Sports » Football (Page 15)

Football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.

The people of this country have allowed football to get completely out of hand, and that’s fortunate for my bank account.

Consistently, he’s not able to do that all the time.

Football is easy, if you're crazy as hell.

The University of Texas has only two major sports… football and spring football.

If it was, Army and Navy would play for the national championship every year.

They say a tie is like kissing your sister; I guess that is better than kissing your brother.

When it’s third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers and I’ll take the whiskey drinkers every time.

They write more books.

If there’s a pileup, they’ll have to give some of the players artificial insemination.

I’m going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next time.

Football is all very well a good game for rough girls, but not for delicate boys.

Young Tight Ends Excite Coaches

He can be a great player in this league for a long time if he learns to say two words: I'm full.

Baseball happens to be a game of cumulative tension but football, basketball and hockey are played with hand grenades and machine guns.

The 49ers were so badly flattened that they didn't fly back to San Francisco, they were faxed.

It’s weird… people say they’re not like apes, but how do you explain football then?

They were absolutely horrible and that’s the best thing I can say. Besides that they were bad.

You need two yards, I'll get you three. You need 10 yards, I'll get you three.

Could he run? Are you kidding? He had more moves than Mayflower Van Lines.

They may have regained all 40 yards… in fact, they may have.