Subject: Sports » Golf (Page 4)

The only way to avoid hitting a tree is to aim at it.

The older you get the stronger the wind gets… and it's always in your face.

(1940 – ) professional golfer

My handicap is that I don’t have a big enough beer cooler for the back of my golf cart.

professional football player

A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)

Man blames most accidents on fate – but feels a more personal responsibility when he makes a hole-in-one on the golf course.

Nothing goes down slower than a golf handicap.

professional golfer

The niblick, with its heavy head of iron, is a capital club for knocking down solicitors.

Most people play a fair game of golf… if you watch them.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

It'll take three good ones to be on in two today, Sir.

British golf writer & commentator

Why am I using a new putter? Because the old one didn’t float too well.

American professional golfer

I know you can be fined for throwing a club, but I want to know if you can get fined for throwing a caddie?

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer

John Daly's longer than Greg Norman… he’s even longer than War and Peace.

American sports columnist

I've heard people say putting is 50 percent technique and 50 percent mental. I really believe it is 50 percent technique and 90 percent positive thinking, see, but that adds up to 140 percent, which is why nobody is 100 percent sure how to putt.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer

The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims that he plays the game merely for exercise.

(1916 – 2008) American professional golfer

Then I was skinnier, I hit it better, I putted better, and I could see better… other than that, everything is the same.

professional golfer

I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it.

professional baseball player

If I needed advice from my caddie, he'd be hitting the shots and I'd be carrying the bag.

American professional golfer

Any guy who would pass up a chance to see Sam Snead play golf would pull the shades driving past the Taj Mahal.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter

The reason they call if ‘golf’ is that all the other four-letter words were used up.

Golf is my real profession – show business pays my greens fees.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor