Subject: Sports (Page 12)

Five days shalt thou labour, as the Bible says. The seventh day is the Lord thy God's. The sixth day is for football.

(1917 – 1993) British composer & novelist
Football Sports

I told him, ‘Son, what is it with you? … Is it ignorance or apathy?’

He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’

American basketball coach & executive
Basketball Misspokements Sports

This boxer is doing what is expected of him, bleeding from his nose.

British sports commentator
Boxing Misspokements Sports

You’ll never make a footballer while ever your arse points to the ground.

English football player & manager
Sports

I'll go another 15 rounds with Holmes if Howard will quit announcing football!

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Sports

So many of [English sporting promoter] Barry Hearn's boxers end up in the hospital; he should sell his limousine and buy an ambulance.

British boxer
Boxing Sports

I used to think the only use for it [sport] was to give small boys something else to kick besides me.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Sports

There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Colemanballs Misspokements Sports

His potatoes kept getting cut eyes.

English boxing journalist & commentator
Boxing Sports

 I don't like talking about money; all I know is the good Lord must have wanted me to have it.

professional basketball player, coach & executive
Basketball Money Sports

 I’ve told you guys before, goalies don’t think.

Canadian hockey goaltender
Hockey Sports

Every day two million Americans play tennis and one million of them lose.

American tennis player, instructor & broadcaster
Sports

Reggie Jackson wouldn’t get into the batter’s box until he knew we were back from commercial; of course, [Bob] Uecker wanted to hit during the commercial.

sports announcer
Baseball Sports

Putting an ex-fighter in the business world is like putting silk stockings on a pig.

boxing manager, trainer & cornerman
Boxing Occupations Sports

He’s not going to adhere himself to the fans.

English football player & manager
Malaprops Sports

I play my regulars; the only way a guy gets off the floor is if he dies.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Sports

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Golf Sports

In order to resemble William Perry, we have rented a Winnebago for our offensive line to practice against.

American football player, coach & college athletics administrator
Football Sports

Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit.

(1954 – ) American actress & comedian
Baseball Situations Sports

Washington: first in war, first in peace, and last in the American League.

(1860 – 1931) American baseball writer & humorist
Baseball Sports

When he put out his arms to celebrate, [after scoring his second goal] the rest of us skated immediately to the bench and left him there all alone.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports