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I don’t think I can be expected to take seriously any game which takes less than three days to reach its conclusion.

Tom Stoppard

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter

Sports Cricket Of a cricket fan referring to baseball

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Subject: Sports (Page 89)

John Daly's longer than Greg Norman… he’s even longer than War and Peace.

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

They both (statistics & bikinis) show a lot, but not everything.

Tonight, we're honoring one of the all-time greats in baseball, Stan Musial; he's immoral.

For over 20 years the Boston Celtics have stood for something. The only thing they stand for now is the [national] anthem.

It’s the same as any other ball game you’ll remember as long as you live.

I have discovered in 20 years of moving around the ball park that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats.

I got a guy who's short, stoop shouldered and balding with two left feet. They all look better than he does as far as the moves are concerned, but they don't look so good on the canvas.

When Mike Tyson gets mad, you don't need a referee, you need a priest.

Well, there’s only one thing I can say after that over, and that’s to clap my hands.

When you're in a slump, it's almost as if you look out at the field and it's one big glove.

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.

We may have broken rules … but we did not cheat.

I’ll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right.

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.

The three things I fear most in golf are lightening, Ben Hogan, and a downhill putt.

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.

The Orlando Magic were so bad last season, the cheerleaders stayed home and phoned in their cheers.

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

The 49ers were so badly flattened that they didn't fly back to San Francisco, they were faxed.

I don’t think I can be expected to take seriously any game which takes less than three days to reach its conclusion.