Author: Anonymous Page 130

“It’s only average,” said Tom meanly.

Tom Swifties

Marriage: A  relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

Definitions Marriage

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Golf: A long walk broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

Definitions Golf Sports

My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard and earned an online college degree.

Animals Dogs Education

Insurance: A form of gambling in which we bet our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose.

Definitions

Tackle that hurdle

Mixed metaphors

So windy he could blow up an onion sack.

Communication Exaggerations Expressions Speech

“I’ve stopped seeing my therapist”, said Tom unshrinkingly.

Tom Swifties

You've opened this can of worms, now lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

Infant Prodigies: Young people with highly imaginative parents.

Children Definitions Family

“Fish seem to like me,” Tom said with baited breath.

Tom Swifties

People were streaming out of town to escape the floods.

Mixed metaphors

Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.

Marriage

Youth: That brief period, as distinguished from childhood or middle age, when the sexes talk to each other at a party.

Age Definitions People Young

The writing is on the wall for bookshops.

Mixed metaphors

“I like fuzzy bunnies”, gurgled Tom acutely.

Tom Swifties

Around here, it's always feast or phantom.

Malaprops

You hit the nail on the dot.

Mixed metaphors

Vegetable: A substance used to ballast a child’s plate while it’s carried to and from the table.

Definitions Food/Drink

“I write elevator music,” Tom noted.

Tom Swifties