Author: Joan Rivers Page 6

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Old Situations Work

I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Animals Things

Peter Marshall: According to Raquel Welch, a woman’s bust size should have nothing to do with her sex appeal. True or false?

Joan Rivers: That’s easy for her to say.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In the Bible, King Balshazar saw the handwriting on the wall, and later that night something unfortunate happened. What?

Joan Rivers: Yeah, well, he found out that Shirley’s number had been disconnected.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Hollywood Squares

My vagina is like Newark [New Jersey]; men know it’s there, but they don’t want to visit.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Self Sex

Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities Shopping

My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body

Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Characteristics Emotions Laughter People

You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Old