Author: Paul Lynde Page 11

Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?

Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn’t neglected!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?

Paul Lynde: Naked and screaming like the rest of us.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: When Richard Nixon was Vice-President, he went someplace on a “good will mission,” but instead wound up being stoned and shouted at. Where did this take place?

Paul Lynde: Pat’s room.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to her grandma’s house. On her way there, she stopped to get something for her grandma. To get what?

Paul Lynde: Feen-a-mints.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: During the 18th century it was common for a bride to sell something at her wedding reception to help pay for the cost of the wedding. What did she sell?

Paul Lynde: Her first born.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?

Paul Lynde: Yes, but he still won’t go up to your your apartment.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… Zsa Zsa Gabor is a deputy sheriff in Chicago?

Paul Lynde: It’s a pity that she couldn’t make it in show business.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What should you do if you’re going 55 miles per hour and your tires suddenly blow out?

Paul Lynde: Honk if you believe in Jesus.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter: Do baby elephants nurse?

Paul Lynde: That’s why you should never go topless on an African beach.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Julie Nixon Eisenhower recently told reporters “You don’t know what a relief it is not to worry about having them around all the time!.” What are “they?”

Paul Lynde: Mom and Dad.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, Broderick Crawford says that he is often mistaken for….

Paul Lynde: A dump truck.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: President Johnson had a personal butler in the White House; so did presidents Kennedy and Nixon. Does President Ford also have a butler?

Paul Lynde: Yes, he doubles as the Secretary Of Agriculture.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You’ve gone from egg, to larvae, to pupae. What’s next?

Paul Lynde: A shave and a shower and off to work!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: It used to be called “9-pin.” What’s it called today?

Paul Lynde: Foreplay!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: How many movies has Vincent Price been in?

Paul Lynde: You mean, how many good movies?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire recently announced that after 30 years, they’re going to do something together one more time. What?

Paul Lynde: Trade hairpieces.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In the Arctic, the most fearsome animal is the polar bear. What is the only thing a polar bear is afraid of?

Paul Lynde: A lonely Eskimo!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Teddy Roosevelt maintained that he had something removed from two United States coins purely for the sake of art. What?

Paul Lynde: The bottom half of the buffalo.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, is immorality contagious?

Paul Lynde: I know he was down with it for about a month.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You became a mother two months ago. And you’ve been feeling a bit depressed lately. According to Cosmopolitan magazine, is this normal?

Paul Lynde: I hate these stretch marks!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In the Bible, who was found in a basket among the bulrushes?

Paul Lynde: Colonel Sanders.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares