Author: Paul Lynde Page 11

Peter Marshall: Paul, according to the World Book Encyclopedia, what is the main reason dogs pant?

Paul Lynde: Because they can’t talk dirty!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: On radio, Margo Lane knew something about young, handsome, wealthy Lamont Cranston. In fact, she knew about Lamont Cranston, things that no one else knew. What was it?

Paul Lynde: That his bellybutton was an outsie.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: When is it a good idea to put your pantyhose in the microwave oven for two minutes?

Paul Lynde: When your house is surrounded by the police.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In the movies, who gave the advice, “whistle while you work?”

Paul Lynde: It was either Paul Winchell… or Linda Lovelace.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Fred Astaire says, his mother has been trying to get him to do this since he was 35. But he hasn’t done it and says he won’t do it until he’s ready. Do what?

Paul Lynde: Move out of the house!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… Guatemala once declared war on Germany.

Paul Lynde: Yes, and it's a good thing Germany never found out!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… in the recent world kissing contest in England, two contestants were disqualified when they got too passionate?

Paul Lynde: But they went on to win in three other categories.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Lana Turner recently said, “I won’t do it because I haven’t stopped living my life by a long shot.” What won’t she do?

Paul Lynde: The Merv Griffin show.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?

Paul Lynde: Yes, but he still won’t go up to your your apartment.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… many of our highways and railroads were built directly on the trails left by bison?

Paul Lynde: So that’s why the roads are so bumpy.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Robert Young recently stated, “I never, never give…” something to his fans who ask for it. What?

Paul Lynde: A hysterectomy.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Elizabeth Taylor calls it ‘the Big One,’ What is it?

Paul Lynde: They both look the same to me!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Eva Gabor says she dislikes a particular word because it signals the end of something that started out so beautifully. What word?

Paul Lynde: Pregnant.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is there any such thing as an F cup in bra sizes?

Paul Lynde: Yes, it sleeps four.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: From what animal do you get silk blouses?

Paul Lynde: An animal to you, Peter, but kind and generous to me.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What is the name of the song that is played when the President of the United States walks into a room?

Paul Lynde: Send in the Clowns.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Teddy Roosevelt maintained that he had something removed from two United States coins purely for the sake of art. What?

Paul Lynde: The bottom half of the buffalo.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, Pat Nixon says it’s difficult to sleep with President Nixon because of something he does in the middle of the night. What is it?

Paul Lynde: He’s digging a tunnel.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the French Chef, Julia Child, how much is a pinch?

Paul Lynde: Just enough to turn her on.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Has a court ever awarded a woman half a million dollars because her husband was no longer able to leave her romantically satisfied?

Paul Lynde: All the jury had to see was Exhibit A.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares