Author: Paul Lynde Page 3

Peter Marshall: Who are Mark Trail, Steve Roper and Tank McNamara?

Paul Lynde: Oh, you found my address book!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: After Phyllis Diller’s recent facelift, she received thousands of letters, mostly asking three questions: “Did it hurt?” “How much did it cost?” And one other… what?

Paul Lynde: Do your eyes close when you sit down?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In The Wizard of Oz, the lion wanted courage and the tin man wanted a heart. What did the scarecrow want?

Paul Lynde: He wanted the tin man to notice him.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Is using an electric vibrating machine a good way to lose weight?

Paul Lynde: That’s what I told the saleslady, but she just winked.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, Pat Nixon says it’s difficult to sleep with President Nixon because of something he does in the middle of the night. What is it?

Paul Lynde: He’s digging a tunnel.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Johnny Carson’s ex-wife Joanne, after the divorce, he sent her a copy of a best-selling book. Which one?

Paul Lynde: Shaft!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… each generation of Americans has been about an inch taller than the previous generation.

Paul Lynde: That makes Robert Conrad an antique!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Ann Landers recently wrote a book titled “How To Tell The Difference Between Love And…” what?

Paul Lynde: A kidney infection.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Now listen carefully, Paul. If you have one it’s a moose. If you have two, it’s a….?

Paul Lynde: It’s a mess!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Lana Turner recently said, “I won’t do it because I haven’t stopped living my life by a long shot.” What won’t she do?

Paul Lynde: The Merv Griffin show.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, any good sailor knows that when a man falls off a ship you yell ‘Man overboard!’ What should you shout if a woman falls overboard?

Paul Lynde: Full speed ahead!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, according to the World Book Encyclopedia, what is the main reason dogs pant?

Paul Lynde: Because they can’t talk dirty!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Modern science can’t really explain why, but if you go outside at night, stand on your head, and stare at the full moon, you will notice something unusual. What?

Paul Lynde: Yes, in eight seconds, rain will fill up your nose.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, in the early days of Hollywood, who was usually found atop Tony, the Wonder Horse?

Paul Lynde: My Friend Flicka.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You’re marrying a man who’s been married before. According to the book “Everyday Ettiquette, is it all right to wear a veil?

Paul Lynde: No, I’m just gonna wear a baseball cap.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… Zsa Zsa Gabor is a deputy sheriff in Chicago?

Paul Lynde: It’s a pity that she couldn’t make it in show business.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: A woman named Jane Grey has a place of history because of something she did for 10 consecutive days that few women have ever done. What did she do? Jane Grey?

Paul Lynde: Wasn’t she married to Eddie Fisher?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: In Greek mythology, what would the god Morpheus do to you while you were asleep?

Paul Lynde: I don’t know, but I got an enchanted hickie.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… in the recent world kissing contest in England, two contestants were disqualified when they got too passionate?

Paul Lynde: But they went on to win in three other categories.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, how many fingers in the Girl Scout salute?

Paul Lynde: Gee, I don't remember. The last time I saw it was when I didn't buy their cookies.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares