Author: Paul Lynde Page 3

Peter Marshall: Paul, in the early days of Hollywood, who was usually found atop Tony, the Wonder Horse?

Paul Lynde: My Friend Flicka.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Your date’s had a great shock, now she’s fainted. According to experts you should loosen her clothing, and do one other thing. What?

Paul Lynde: Send a postcard requesting an ambulance.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Can we get heat from stars?

Paul Lynde: You will if I have to share my dressing room again!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Has a court ever awarded a woman half a million dollars because her husband was no longer able to leave her romantically satisfied?

Paul Lynde: All the jury had to see was Exhibit A.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, what profession is the most common for prostitutes after they retire?

Paul Lynde: Smuggling!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… every day, about 10 million American women take the pill.

Paul Lynde: And I could name 'em all!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?

Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn’t neglected!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: A recent hearing, opponents of fluorinated water argue that too much fluorine in a persons system can cause an uncontrollable desire for sex?

Paul Lynde (shouting): HEY CULLIGAN MAN!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: When Richard Nixon was Vice-President, he went someplace on a “good will mission,” but instead wound up being stoned and shouted at. Where did this take place?

Paul Lynde: Pat’s room.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Paul, when the citizens of China want a drink of water, they usually do something to it first. What?

Paul Lynde: Remove the shirts.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: You are married in India. How did you probably meet your spouse?

Paul Lynde: We were fighting over a lima bean.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: We’ve all heard the old phrase “A pig in a poke.” What is a poke?

Paul Lynde: It’s when you’re not really in love.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… Paul, Gypsy folklore says that God created man by baking him in an oven.
Paul Lynde: [turns and looks at Black singer Leslie Uggams] Looks like you were overcooked.
[Leslie Uggams laughed so hard she was lying across the desk.]

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to psychologists, when a child begins to get curious about sex, what is the one question he will most ask his mommy and daddy?

Paul Lynde: Where can I get some?

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What do you call a bull that can’t have kids?

Paul Lynde: Anthony Quinn.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: The great writer George Bernard Shaw once wrote, 'It's such a wonderful thing, what a crime to waste it on children.' What is it?

Paul Lynde: A whipping.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Can chewing gum help prevent a child from catching a cold?

Paul Lynde: No, but I know it’ll plug a runny nose.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What is the name of the song that is played when the President of the United States walks into a room?

Paul Lynde: Send in the Clowns.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: True or false… NASA officials report that when Chinese vice-premier Dang visited the astronaut training headquarters recently, the one big question he demanded to know was… where the astronauts go to the bathroom?!

Paul Lynde: The answer was over China!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: According to the nursery rhyme, what did Little Bo Peep’s sheep leave behind them?

Paul Lynde: Well, Simple Simon thought they were bread crumbs!

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important. What?

Paul Lynde: An engagement ring.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
Hollywood Squares