Author: Rick Bayan

A middling mind always benefits from a lack of competition.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Intelligence

Houseplants: Vegetable companions; pleasant green pets that rarely bite or throw up on the carpet.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Things

X-chromosome: A genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Women

Ideologue: Typically an obscure humorless zealot who finds fulfillment by spouting the ideas of famous humorless zealots.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Beliefs Definitions

Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Age Definitions Food/Drink Health Old

Assembly Line: The notion that if a job is worth doing, it’s worth repeating 9,614 times a day.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Genetic Engineering: Tampering with chromosomes so that science might develop a new miracle cure or a rabbit that plays the banjo. –

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Science/Weather

Y-chromosome: A line of genes designed for men only; the cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men

Bookcase: A piece of furniture used in America to house bowling trophies and elvis collectibles.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Experience: In the working world, something you can’t get unless you’ve already got it, in which case you probably don’t want any more of it.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Job: A state of employment everyone wants but few look forward to on a Monday morning.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Chic: Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Boss: A personal dictator appointed to those of us fortunate enough to live in free societies.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Positive Thinking: self-improvement through self-deception.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Intelligence

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Orgasm: The punchline some women just don’t get, generally because their mates have a tendency to rush through the joke.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Sex

Quality of Life: What an industrialized nation is said to offer when enough of its citizens are suffering from terminal stress.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Hooker: A working woman commonly despised by people who sell themselves for even less.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Sex

Erudite: Exhibiting a degree of book learning fatal to success in any business or romantic enterprise.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Professional model: cheekbones that sell cosmetics; hipbones that sell anorexia.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Appearance Body Definitions