Subject: Classifieds

Classifieds:

Usually unintentionally humorous classified ads, personal ads, notices or announcements as they appeared in various printed “Classified Ads” sections.

WANTED. Hunting rifle, suitable for teenagers.

SAFEWAY – NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS – FOR TEMPORARY EMPLOYEES IN PREPARATION FOR A POSSIBLE LABOR DISPUTE – Cashiers, Clerks, Customer Service – $12.00/hour – PLease contact…

Enthusiastic and alive with a desire to lead others

Landscaping Labor – the new Green Party…

ALL NUDE In The Meadowlands!! 20 Nude Dancers – Completed Renovated – 2 Nude Stages – Nude Table Dancers In The V.I.P. Lounge

LOST African Elephant. Call 281-701-….

Engagement diamond ring, appraised $339. Trade for rifle.

10 FREE French Fry Certificates for only $1.00

6 Foot TREE OF LIGHTS Reg. $49.99 – Save 20% LIGHTS NOT INCLUDED…

They call me Naughty Lola. Run of the mill beardy physicist – male, 46.

Help wanted: Boiler operator. Previous clinical experience with gynecology patients required.

TO LET: 4 bedroom house close to town. No poets.

Notice: To person or persons who took the large pumpkin on highway 87 near Southridge Storage. Please return the pumpkin and be checked. Pumpkin may be radioactive. All other plants in vicinity are dead.

Boa Constrictor – Great With Kids! – 2 Years old, approximately 2 feet long. Includes tank with light and accessories. $150 Call…

AMANDA – I’m running a bit late. Will be there in about an hour. How far apart are the contractions?

WHIRLPOOL BUILT IN OVEN – FROST FREE!

Do Something Special For Your Valentine – Have your Septic Tank Pumped – Call…

.. Buffet – Delivery – No Personal Chicken Accepted – Open 7 Days A Week…

Romance is dead. So is my mother. Man, 42, inherited wealth.

MECHANIC – Now hiring full time mechanic. Must be mechanically inclined. Brenny’s Cycle Works …

TURKEY – FOR SALE. Partially eaten. Only eight days old. Both drumsticks still intact. $23.00 OBO