Subject: Conflict (Page 16)

I haven't committed a crime; what I did was fail to comply with the law.

(1927 – ) American mayor (New York City)
Crime Misspokements

Kleptomaniac: A person who helps himself because he can't help himself.

(1915 – 1994) American actor
Conflict Crime

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Killing

Some of my best friends are thieves; why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Conflict Crime People

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

actor, writer & editor
Accidents Problems War

[My husband] and I are always fighting; when we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Conflict Marriage Problems

The first thing we do, let’s kill the lawyers.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Government Killing Law Lawyers

There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a handgun than a packet of cigarettes.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
America Arms Situations Things

Everyone’s a pacifist between wars; it’s like being a vegetarian between meals.

(1938 – ) American journalist, teacher, lecturer & pacifist
Beliefs Conflict War

Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.

Crime Definitions

She changes prices. I caught her in a near misdemeanus.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Crime Misspokements

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Arms Conflict Things

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the states, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
America Arms Things

In a war of ideas it is people who get killed.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist
Conflict Ideas Intelligence War

I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around, because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Arms Children People Things

If you are going to have a fight with a visiting club, be sure to insult them the day they come to town, and not the last day of the series. It pays off better.

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter
Baseball Conflict Fights Sports

I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Crime

The perferator of the crime was apprehended by the police.

Crime Malaprops

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Fights Sex

Criminal: A person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.

(1890 – 1970) American engineer
Conflict Crime

The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.

(1951 – ) American conservative radio talk-show host
Arms Conflict Stupidity