Subject: Conflict (Page 16)

Hockey’s the only place where a guy can go nowadays and watch two white guys fight.


(1938 – ) American sportswriter & novelist

A liberal is a conservative who has been arrested.

(1931 – ) American author & journalist

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder?… 'cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille.

(1933 – ) American comic actor, director, screenwriter & author

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

All I know is, finally I get to kill somebody.

American actor

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

I'd rather fight than score.

Canadian hockey player

The NRA is not pro-gun, they’re anti-varmint.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality

I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq; after all, France wouldn’t help us get the Germans out of France!


(1950 – ) comedian & television host

Some of my best friends are thieves; why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Do not needlessly endanger your lives until I give you the signal.

(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General

God invented football so grown men would have something to do between wars.

(1929 – ) American author & sportswriter

I saved a girl from being attacked last night… I controlled myself.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Wallowing in corruption like a rhinoceros in an African pool.

(1831 – 1902) journalist & newspaper editor
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