Subject: Government » Military

Fortify your front; you’ll get your rear shot up.

The difficult we do immediately; the impossible takes a little while longer.

Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who don't.

The seriousness of a wound (in a firefight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.

Ain’t it funny how many hundreds of thousands of soldiers we can recruit with nerve; but we can’t find one politician in a million with backbone.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Any military project will take twice as long as planned, cost twice as much, and produce only half of what is wanted.

Professional soldiers are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.

Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.

If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Admiral: A general at sea.

Odd objects attract fire… never lurk behind one.

A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.

Armies aren't known for neatness.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author

If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.

All battles are fought at the junction of two or more map sheets… printed at different scales.

The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:
1. When you’re ready for them. 2. When you’re not ready for them.

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

I wanted to join the Army… the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be'… they told me it wasn't enough.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic

Nobody can ever learn our military's secrets — unless, you know, they happen to have the Discovery Channel… then, it's pretty easy, just tune in for a few minutes.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

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