Author: Ambrose Bierce Page 2

History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
History Time

Physician: One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language

Positive: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Speech

Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Time

Christian: A man who feels repentance on a Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

The covers of this book are too far apart.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Books Reviews/Criticism

Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Clothing Communication Definitions Language

Scotsman: A man who, before sending his pajamas to the laundry, stuffs a sock in each pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Frugal Money People

To be positive: To be mistaken at the top of one's voice.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Speech

Delegation: In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Government Language

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Emotions Language Love

Outdo: To make an enemy.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Peace: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Fights Politics Time

Birth: The first and dirtiest of all disasters. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Situations

Fiddle: An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Definitions Music

Twice: Once too often.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Situations

Unitarian: One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Advice: the smallest current coin.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Opinion

Abstainer: A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Individuals Language

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Government Intelligence Politicians

Revolution: An abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions Government