Author: Dylan Moran Page 2

He’s so f**king crooked he sleeps on a spiral staircase!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Insults

The country where they invented bacon flavor mouthwash.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Places

You look like a horse in a man costume.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Insults

You cannot over estimate how infantile men are about sex; men are people that have sex because they have a headache… or are on fire, or have been shot in the head, or whatever it is!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Men People Sex

German food is so bad, even Hitler was a vegetarian.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink

It sounds like typewriters eating tin foil being kicked down the stairs.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Communication Places Speech

Why would anybody want to go skiing? You could sit in the comfort of you own kitchen and break your knees with a hammer.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Activities

So thoroughly corrupt, every time he smiles an angel gets gonorrhea!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Insults People

America is like the really bad flatmate of the world: ‘Oh sorry, did I break all your shit? I didn't know it was yours… yeah, I'll replace it sometime… with my stuff.’

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
America Places

What's he doing? Nobody ever gets 75%; is he coming round at night, with a pot roast, touching you on the knee and telling you that you’ve lost weight?

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
People

I've seen insects walking around with kneepads.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Animals Exaggerations Places

It’s easy to smile when you have a squirrel’s intellect.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Intelligence Stupidity

Fruit… it's just God showing off… “Look at all the colors I know!”

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs God

[Adulthood feels like] walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Age