Author: H.L. Mencken Page 4

A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Politicians Situations

A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Children Family Parents Religion

When women kiss it always reminds me of prize fighters shaking hands.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
People Women

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics Family Situations

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Love Marriage Sex

A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Intelligence Reading/Writing

A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Animals Dogs Ideas Intelligence

It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy as an actual sin.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs God Religion Sex

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Communication Reading/Writing Religion

Democracy: The worship of jackals by jackasses.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Democracy Government

He slept more than any other president… Nero fiddled, but Coolidge only snored.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Government Situations Sleep

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Government Politicians

Wealth is any income that is at least one hundred dollars a year more than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Money Wealth Wives

No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes that she were not.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage Wives

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Age Characteristics

Dachshund: An animal half a dog high by a dog and a half long.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Animals Definitions Dogs

If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Husbands Marriage Wives

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Happiness Language People

Theology is the effort to explain the unknowable in terms of the not worth knowing.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Religion Science/Weather

Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Baseball Language Music