Subject: Activities » Driving (Page 2)

1. You can get “anywhere” in ten minutes if you go fast enough.
2. Speed bumps are of negligible effect when the vehicle exceeds triple the desired restraining speed.
3. The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.
4. This lane ends in 500 feet.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Autos Driving Places

People will accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Autos Driving Things

I am the one in my family who does all the driving, because my husband never learnt to drive… in my opinion.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Activities Driving

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people “the cops.”

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Alcohol Autos Driving Food/Drink Things

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Driving Murphy’s Laws

When I was 15 years old, I got my learner’s permit, which meant that the state of Florida was now obligating me to learn to drive with the two worst drivers in the world: my mom and my dad.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Autos Driving Family Parents Situations

The driver behind you wants to go five miles per hour faster.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things

I don’t like people who take drugs… customs men for example.

(1950 – ) British comedian
Activities Driving

He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.

Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

I can’t drive an automatic.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving Things

The only way to make up for being lost is to make record time while you are lost.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws

The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things

The only cultural advantage L.A. has over New York is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Driving New York City Places

If you allow someone to get in front of you, you both will have the same destination, and the other car will get the last parking space.

Driving Murphy’s Laws

Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive; last week she learned how to aim it.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Autos Driving Things

One time, I got pulled over at four a.m.; I was fined seventy-five dollars for being intoxicated and four-hundred for being with the Phillies.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Driving Sports

Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.

Beliefs Driving Murphy’s Laws Opinion People

Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.

Activities Definitions Driving Occupations

When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2) they will always meet at the bridge.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

Identity Thief starts off moronic and then goes downhill.

British broadcaster, writer & film critic
Driving Reviews/Criticism