Subject: Classifieds (Page 9)

Best Selection Ever of Name Brand Tennis Shoes – 10% off any pair bought and get 2nd pair at 10% off and then take 1/2 price of that shoe. Higher price charged for 1st pair. – Marting’s Shoes

Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.

Top Money Paid!! Are you willing to be prodded and probed in the orfice [sic] of our choice – all in the name of science?

Smith & Wesson – For the Bride To Be! – Model 642 .38 Special $419.97, Save $50…

Mature gentleman, 62, aged well, noble grey looks, fit and active, sound mind and unfazed by the fickle demands of modern society seeks… damn it, I have to pee again.

Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.

The Brandywine Gourmet – Stop in to enter drawing to guess height & weight of our GIANT 3 ft., 20 lb. Chocolate Bunny!…

For Sale – Holiday photos: Choice of ski, sun or city break. Ideal for anecdote or alibi. Call 020-867-….

Going back to school was the best thing I ever done.

20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.

HELP WANTED – Administraive/ Secretary

MOVING SALE – EVERYTHING IS FREE AND MUST GO IMMEDIATELY!!! ITEMS ALREADY AT THE CURB FOR CONVENIENT LOADING!!!

Car Sitting Services: Are you going away for a long trip? Are you afraid your car will be lonely, or worse yet, stolen!? I can protect your car and take it for long drives to keep it company. I can even drop you off and pick you up at the airport using your car (at my convenience)! Cheap rates! Call [telephone] and ask for One-tooth Tony.

Taste Lopez’s Best Chili – Enjoy the sounds of “Crossfire” … Chili Challenge and Family FunFest

CUSTOMER SERVICE REP – FT/PT Strong phone skills and able to handle high call volume. Light collection. Fast paste work enviorment. Fax resume…

They call me Mr Boombastic. You can call me Monty. My real name, however, is Quentin. But only Mother uses that. And Nanny. Monty is fine, though. Anything but Peg Leg (Shrewsbury Prep, 1956, 'Please don't make me do cross-country, sir'). Box no. 0473.

Caffe Allegro – In downtown Middletown –Discover why so many Italians would prefer to eat at home

JOB OPPORTUNITY IN BROADCASTING – PT Janitor/maintenance-general janitorial, clean, sanitize, dust, polish, spot wash, vacuum, empty trash, gather recyces, replace light bulbs. Send resume to: MARIA ADAMS, KTSH 100 Valley Dr., Brisbane, Ca 94005. Fax 415-467-…. EOE. DEADLINE 4/12/96.

For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Now Hiring – Cashier – Weekends – Must be 21+, Applications Avail. Inside – Cannot look anything like “Skeletor” from “He-Man”

WARNING Don’t Pay High Prices For Central Air Conditioning! Only $5,500,000 and one or two days is all it takes to install top quality LENNOX Central Air in your 3 bedroom raised ranch…