Subject: Communication (Page 77)

Pessimism: A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Communication Definitions Language

A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults.

(1902 – 1994) British-born American trial lawyer & author
Communication Insults

Last time I called shotgun we had rented a limo, so I messed up!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Autos Speech Things

Diagnosis: A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language Money

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish… my dreams were broadcast all over the world.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Situations Sleep World

Advertising is the art of making whole lies out of half truths.


Characteristics Communication Honesty Lies Truth

I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language Self

Never argue with a man who buys his ink by the barrel.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Communication Situations

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Books Communication Reading/Writing Things

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.

Communication Marriage Speech Wives

Another term for a balloon is a bad breath holder.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Communication Emotions Love Speech

Monument: A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

The only man, woman, or child who ever wrote a simple declarative sentence with seven grammatical errors is dead.

(1894 – 1962) American poet, painter, essayist, author & playwright
Communication Insults Language Reading/Writing

I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Communication Language Sports

His speeches left the impression of an army of pompous phrases moving over the landscape in search of an idea.

(1863 – 1941) U.S. senator (California) & U.S. Secretary of the Treasury
Communication Ideas Speech

Isn't it possible for them to get a real fascist instead of this guy who plays one on TV?

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics Communication Television

I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Language Reading/Writing

It's innocence when it charms us, ignorance when it doesn't.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Communication Emotions Happiness Intelligence Stupidity

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Reading/Writing

A gossip columnist is someone who uses dirt to make a mountain out of a molehill.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication