Subject: Conflict » Killing (Page 2)

I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille.

(1933 – ) American comic actor, director, screenwriter & author
Conflict Killing TV/Movie Quotes

I’ve spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Conflict Girlfriends Killing People

I don't want to get so famous to where the guy who shoots me becomes famous.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Conflict Killing Success

Going to war over religion, is basically just killing people in an argument over who has the better imaginary friend.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Conflict Killing Religion War

I believe that forgiving them is God’s function; our job is to arrange the meeting.

(1934 – 2012) United States Army general
Conflict Killing War

At their core, women fear that men will kill them; at their core, men fear that women will laugh at them.

(1954 – ) security specialist, advisor & author
Characteristics Emotions Killing Laughter Men People Women

Here's to Johnny quite a guy. Very sad he had to die. All was well could not be better, Till he wrote my girl a letter.

Conflict Epitaphs Girlfriends Killing

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice; for ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Communication Family Fathers Killing Mothers Speech

Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Conflict Killing Men People Women

I got a cousin who's a psychotic with low self-esteem; he only wants to assassinate the vice president.

television writer, producer & director
Characteristics Conflict Health Killing

Men who drink herbal teas are seldom serial killers.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Conflict Killing Men People

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Conflict Friends Killing People Young

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder?… 'cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Conflict Killing People Rednecks

Buying my wife a gun is sort of like me saying, 'You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise.'

(1963 – ) American stand-up comedian
Arms Conflict Killing Situations

The first thing we do, let’s kill the lawyers.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Government Killing Law Lawyers

If people were forced to eat what they killed, there would be no more wars.

(1936 – 1989) American social & political activist
Conflict Eating Killing People War

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.


Conflict Intelligence Killing People Stupidity

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Individuals Killing People