Subject: Death (Page 28)

Epitaph: A belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been permanently discontinued.

Death Definitions

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Death

This is the first time authorities helped me escape prison.

(c.1914 – 1947) American convicted murderer
Last words

If anyone cries at my funeral, I will never speak to him again.

(1890 – 1965) English comic actor, writer & director (of Laurel & Hardy)
Death

The show which, alas, every actor has to miss is his own memorial service.

(1908 – 1992) English actor
Death Entertainment

That was a great game of golf, fellas.

(1902 – 1977) American singer & actor
Last words

Show my head to the people.  It is worth seeing.

(1759 – 1794) influential figure in the French Revolution
Last words

Sex is like death… only after death you don’t feel like a pizza.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death Food/Drink Sex

If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got?

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer
Death

Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Death Life Men People Time

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

(1923 – 1999) American satirical novelist, short story writer & playwright
Death

Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. Death is #2. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Death TV/Movie Quotes

It’s better to be tried by twelve men than to be carried by six.

Conflict Crime Death Government Law Murphy’s Laws

Dear me! I think I'm turning into a god…

(9 – 79) Roman Emperor
Last words