Subject: Death (Page 24)

Surprise me.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Last words

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Death Marriage Wives

I'd hate to die twice. It's so boring.

(1918 – 1988) American physicist
Last words

I always read the last page of a book first so that if I die before I finish, I will know how it turned out.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Communication Death Reading/Writing

I'm glad that's over.

(1926 – 1984) English comedian
Last words

I’d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

(234 – 149 BC) Roman statesman
Death Epitaphs

Our greatest fear is to die alone, which is why I intend to take quite a few people with me.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Death

Martyr: One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Death Definitions Language

I told my girlfriend when I was going to die, because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Death

I've had a hell of a lot of fun and I've enjoyed every minute of it.

(1909 – 1959) Australian-born American actor
Last words

To stop sinning suddenly.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Death

Any man who has $10,000 left when he dies is a failure.

(1909 – 1959) Australian-born American actor
Death Life Money

A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist
Communication Death Speech

Are you happy?  I'm happy.

(1879 – 1959) American actress
Last words

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Death Exaggerations

No thank you.

(1959 – 2005) American serial killer
Last words

This is absurd! This is absurd!

(1856 – 1939) Austrian neurologist, father of psychoanalysis
Last words

You’ve got to execute people; how else are they going to learn?

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Death Government Law

Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck.

(1906 – 1972) Russian-born English actor, singer-songwriter & music composer
Last words

He'd make a lovely corpse.

(1812 – 1870) English novelist
Death Insults

Don't worry, they usually don't swim backwards.

(1962 – 2006) Australian television personality, wildlife expert & conservationist
Last words