Subject: Definitions (Page 28)

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Executive: A person who can take two hours for lunch without anybody missing him.

Definitions Occupations

Elector: One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man’s choice.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Elections/Voting Government Language

Christian: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbors. 

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Interpreter: A ventriloquist using two dummies.

Communication Definitions Language

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Definitions

Consolation: The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Oratory: The art of making deep noises from the chest sound like important messages from the brain.

Communication Definitions Speech

Taxation: The process by which money is collected from the people to pay the salaries of the men who do the collecting.

Definitions Government Taxes

Hip: Smartly attuned to the latest cutting-edge cliches.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Unimpeachable Source: The guy that started the rumor in the first place.

Definitions

Choir: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync.

Definitions

No Exit: A sign indicating the most convenient way out of a building.

Definitions

Communism: The cause that suppresses.

Definitions

Circus: A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Animals Communication Definitions Fools Language People

Venereal Disease: Germs of endearment.

Definitions Health

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Children Definitions Family

Impotent: Willy-nilly.

Definitions Sex

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

Sex: The formula by which one and one makes three.

Definitions Sex

Expert: A person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.

Definitions

Judge: A law student who grades his own papers.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Definitions Law