Subject: Definitions (Page 38)

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Marriage: A friendship recognized by the police.

(1850 – 1894) Scottish novelist, poet, essayist & travel writer
Definitions Marriage

Counsel: Advice with a price tag.

Definitions

Reporter: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Occupations People Truth

Disinheritance: Heir cut.

Definitions

Hook: Irritating but highly reliable device used to quickly locate the position of one’s thumb at the bottom of a tackle box.

Activities Definitions

Orgasm: The punchline some women just don’t get, generally because their mates have a tendency to rush through the joke.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Sex

Historians: People who won’t let bygones be bygones.

Definitions History Occupations Time

Caramel: A substance for extracting children’s teeth.

Definitions Food/Drink

Employment Agency: Where people are put in their place.

Definitions Work

Freudian Slip: Foot-in-mouth disease.

Communication Definitions

Cemetery: An isolated spot, usually in a suburb, where mourners swap lies.

Definitions

Bargain: A transaction in which each party thinks he has cheated the other.

Definitions Shopping

Centenarian: A person who has lived to be one hundred years old. He never smoked or he smoked all his life. He used whiskey for eighty years or he never used it. He was a vegetarian or he wasn’t a vegetarian.

Age Definitions Old

Life: A sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality rate.

Definitions Life

Argument: A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but the other person hasn’t realized it yet.

Definitions

Heir Fare: Executor’s fee.

Definitions Wordplay

Poor man: One feels genuinely sorry for him.

British writer, cartoonist, poet & performer
Definitions

Interpreter: A ventriloquist using two dummies.

Communication Definitions Language

Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it.

Definitions

Balanced Diet: A cookie in each hand.

Definitions

Debt: A trap which a man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.

Definitions Money