Subject: Definitions (Page 39)

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Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.

Crime Definitions

Patience: The quality you admire in the driver behind you but can’t stand in the driver who’s in front of you.

Characteristics Definitions

Woman: A creature who is either making a fool out of man, or making a man out of a fool.

Definitions People

Punctuality: The art of guessing correctly how late the other party is going to be.

Definitions Time

An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.

(1895 – 1979) American archbishop of the Catholic Church
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Peace: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Fights Politics Time

Nun: A creature of habit.

Definitions Religion

Venereal Disease: Germs of endearment.

Definitions Health

Kin: An affliction of the blood.

Definitions Family

Consultant: Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can’t get a date.

Definitions

Perfume: What a woman hopes will make her the scenter of attention.

Definitions Wordplay

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday.

Definitions

Hook: Irritating but highly reliable device used to quickly locate the position of one’s thumb at the bottom of a tackle box.

Activities Definitions

Bank: An institution that will gladly lend you money provided you can prove you don’t need it.

Definitions Money

Troops: Expendable bodies sent by the government to stop bullets during obscure foreign uprisings.

Definitions Military

Employment Agency: Where people are put in their place.

Definitions Work

Toupée: Top secret.

Appearance Definitions Hair

Learning: The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Education Language Learning

Communism: The cause that suppresses.

Definitions

Accrue: People who work on a ship.

Definitions