Subject: Definitions (Page 60)

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Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.

Definitions Health

Diet: Something you keep putting off while you keep putting on.

Definitions Food/Drink

Egotist: A conceited ass who thinks he knows as much as you do.

Definitions Intelligence People Self

Yardstick: One foot on each side and one in the middle.

Definitions

Overeat: To dine.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Eating Food/Drink Language

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

Definitions Marriage

Filing Cabinet: A place where you lose things alphabetically.

Definitions

Teacher: A person who swore she would starve before teaching, and who has been doing both ever since.

Definitions Education

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

Opportunity: A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions

Senility: The pleasantly rueful experience of forgetting what we’ve forgotten.

Age Definitions Intelligence Memory Old

Conscience: A device that doesn’t keep you from doing anything – just keeps you from enjoying it.

Definitions

Y Chromosome: The cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

Definitions Men People

Technology: The knack of so arranging the world that we need not experience it.

(1911 – 1991) Swiss playwright & novelist
Definitions Science/Weather

Adolescence: That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life.

Age Definitions

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

Definitions Marriage

Patriotism: The willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons dreamed up by politicians.

Death Definitions

Gold Digger: A girl who will date any man that can pass the asset test.

Definitions Money People Women

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

Definitions Food/Drink

Accordion: An instrument whose music is long drawn out.

Definitions Entertainment Music Things

Casserole: A method used by ingenious cooks to get rid of leftovers.

Definitions Food/Drink