Subject: Definitions (Page 67)

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Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Marriage

Interior Decorator: A man who does things to your house he wouldn’t dream of doing to his own.

Definitions Occupations

Gardener: A man who never lets grass grow under his feet.

Definitions

Synonym: A word you use when you can’t spell the other word.

Definitions Language

Neurotic: Sane but unhappy about it.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Window Screen: A device for keeping flies in the house.

Definitions Things

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

Delegate-At-Large: A man at a convention whose wife didn’t accompany him.

Definitions

Education: Forcing abstract ideas into concrete heads.

Definitions Ideas Intelligence

Yacht: A floating debt.

Definitions

Boss: A personal dictator appointed to those of us fortunate enough to live in free societies.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Politician: A fellow who borrows your pot in which to cook your goose.

Definitions Government Politicians

Sprouts: Innocent green plants snatched in their infancy and devoured alive by ravenous vegetarians.

Definitions Food/Drink

Marriage: A process of finding out what sort of guy your wife would have preferred.

Definitions Marriage

Acrimony: The holy state of being married.

Definitions Marriage

Longevity: Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Death Definitions Language Life

Coach: A fellow who will gladly lay down your life for the school.

Definitions

Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Honesty

Luck: The thing that draws us for jury duty, but never for the lottery.

Definitions

Y-chromosome: A line of genes designed for men only; the cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Men

Opportunist: A person who, finding himself in hot water, decides he needs a bath anyway.

Definitions Situations