Subject: Family (Page 25)

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author
Family Relationships

You kids are disgusting! Standing around here all day, reeking of popcorn and lollipops.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children TV/Movie Quotes

Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken.

Children Expressions Family

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Children Family

Genealogist: One who traces your family history back as far as your money will go. 

Definitions Family

My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Children Family People Self

They’re all mine…. of course, I’d trade any one of them for a dishwasher.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Family

The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Family

Toddlers Are A**holes: It’s Not Your Fault

Book Titles Children Family

All television is children's television.

advertising expert & editor
Children Entertainment Television

I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from… you heterosexuals.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Family Relationships

I learned in my car that I could not have children; it was the day that I locked my keys in my car with the engine running.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Children Family Mistakes Problems

I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Children Friends Old People

You might be a redneck if… anyone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, y’all watch this!”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family People Rednecks Situations

As my mother used to say, ‘You’ll get unconditional love from me when you’ve earned it.

(1954 – ) American stand-up comedian
Emotions Family Mothers Relationships

We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog; well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Animals Children Dogs Family

Whatever a parent does is wrong.

Failure Family Murphy’s Laws Parents Problems Young

An adolescent doesn’t always know where he’s going; only that he isn’t there.

writer
Children Family

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Parents Places Young

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Family

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Family Relationships Science/Weather