Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 21)

He wouldn’t holler sooey if the hogs was eatin’ em.

Miscellaneous

Hotter than a June bride.

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I went to the barber and got my ears lowered.

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That youngin is as wild as a June bug on a string.

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Everybody’s in the same pew

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I think there should be something in science called the “reindeer effect.” I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect."

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I'm gonna peck a knot on your head!

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In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
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Medicine makes people ill, mathematics make them sad, and theology makes them sinful.”

(1483 – 1546) German monk, Catholic priest & professor of theology
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Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don’t know what your rights are, or who the person is you’re talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.

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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.

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Mr. Ruskin is about to begin a work of great importance and therefore begs that in reference to calls and correspondence you will consider him dead for the next two months.

(1819 – 1900) English art critic, social thinker, poet & artist
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One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don’t run with a wooden stake.

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Can you carry me up to the picture show?

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I have to laugh when I think of the first cigar, because it was probably just a bunch of rolled-up tobacco leaves.

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If you want to fight me you better pack a lunch and bring a flashlight.

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Time to paint your butt white and run with the antelope.

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You’re not worth the gunpowder it’ll take to blow you away.

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I have my doubts about disbelief.

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If [such and such happens] then it’s gonna be too wet to plow.

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You’re like the dog that caught the car.

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