Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 42)

Well when you go through a briar patch you don’t know which briar scratched you.

Miscellaneous

Let us have wine and women, mirth and laughter,

Sermons and soda-water the day after.

(1788 – 1824) English poet
Miscellaneous

The water won’t clear till you get the hogs out of the creek.

Miscellaneous

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.

Miscellaneous

Like a duck looking for thunder.

Miscellaneous

If you put his brain in a gnat's butt, it would fly backwards.

Miscellaneous

You are about as grateful as a toothache.

Miscellaneous

He learned to whisper in a sawmill.

Miscellaneous

If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign a peace treaty, just as I was signing I’d glance over the treaty and then suddenly act surprised… “Wait a minute! I thought WE won!”

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She’s so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.

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I have the brain of a German Shepard and the body of 16-year-old boy… they're both in my car and I want you to see them.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & television ho
Miscellaneous Wordplay

There is hope as long as your fishing-line is in the water.

Miscellaneous Proverbs

I wanted wine, women and song… I got a drunk woman singing.

(1967 – ) English comedian
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She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

Miscellaneous

People were always talking about how mean this guy was who lived on our block. But I decided to go see for myself. I went to his door, but he said he wasn’t the mean guy, the mean guy lived in that house over there. “No, you idiot,” I said, “that’s my house.”

Miscellaneous

Braggin’ dog

Miscellaneous

I’d like to kiss you, but I just washed my hair.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater
Miscellaneous

I had an argument with one of the seven dwarfs… he wasn’t happy.

Miscellaneous

Fan the door

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If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let ‘em go, because, man, they’re gone.

Miscellaneous

That's so good it would make a puppy pull a freight train.

Miscellaneous